In grade 10 some guy said to me as I walked into math class in a pair of brand new shorts, "wow, those legs are so white they are blinding me!"
I didn't show my legs again for 20 years.
Looking back on that it seems like such a ridiculous thing and as I was walking today in my sleeveless, knee length dress I was thinking about how if someone said that today I would laugh about it and keep wearing whatever the f@#$ I want to wear. It wouldn't bother me at all.
Back then though I was full of fear. Scared of rejection. Scared to be noticed. Too shy to even speak. I would skip class if I had to do a presentation and be throwing up at home at the thought of it. I wouldn't go back to class until I knew we were so far off that topic now I wouldn't be asked to do it.
I was terrified to even move in my desk for fear of being noticed. I would sit as still as I could that by the end of class my whole body was numb and I would wait until everyone else left so they wouldn't see me stumble out.
That girl was silenced. So beaten down by societies standards and teachers opinions of her that she was scared to even show up. So unsure of who she was she tried to remain invisible so those around her would be pleased. So they would know she was tamed.
I hated school, skipping every chance I got. I wore dark make up and dyed my hair, all so I could pretend to fit in.
What I realize now and I work on with my inner child regularly is that I wasn't meant to fit in. I never really fit any sort of mold. My opinions have always been my own and following "authority" because somewhere some law says I should was never my bag.
I have very high moral and ethical standards. I believe people, all people, have the right to choose what works best for them.
I don't believe all laws should be followed and many are created to keep us down. To keep us silent.
That isn't me anymore. I will stand for what I think is right, even if I stand alone. The world needs people to stand up. For it's people to know their value. Their worth. The worth determined by their inner compass, not someone else's.
Today I will show my white and sometimes hairy legs whenever I damn well please. Look away if you must but I will never turn away from my own soul ever again.